Worry items seriously questioned

I spent a lot of time worrying about my last post and finally decided that I had really missed the essence of the the American psyche and its motivational worries. It was obvious to me, upon reflection that the list was way off. I had ignored the real causes of worry in our contemporary society. So after a sleepless fifteen or twenty minutes, I came up with an alternative list of the things people actually worry about. These are in order of their importance in our society:

1. Today I will worry about a certain male dysfunction. (This was easily number one by the amount of E-mail I receive each day).
2. Today I will worry about spots on clothing caused by dirt and spills. (No question that this is the most serious problem as shown by a random sample of TV ads over the past fifty years).
3. Today I will worry about my inability to get a close shave. (A really serious problem).
4. Today I will worry about my body odor.
5. Today I will worry about going bald. (although this is a visible male problem, it is really the greatest fear of women also).
6. Today I will worry about a generous overabundance of body.
7. Today I will worry about children being injured by air bags.
8. Today I will worry about removing the tags from new mattresses and pillows.
9. Today I will worry about memory loss.
10. Today I will worry about bad breath.
11. Today I will worry about germs on every surface I touch.
12. Today I will worry about using public restrooms.
13. Today I will worry about loss of data on my computer.
14. Today I will worry about computer viruses.
15. Today I will worry about water quality.
16. Today I will worry about things being taught or not taught in public schools.
17. Today I will worry about roughage in my diet.
18. Today I will worry about indoor air quality.
19. Today I will worry about poor lighting conditions.
20. Today I will worry about being out of shape.
21. Today I will worry about having my child fail kindergarten.
22. Today I will worry about social acceptance. (Usually limited to those with disgusting habits or conditions).
23. Today I will worry about inability to fall asleep.
24. Today I will worry about loss of civil rights.
25. Today I will worry about illegal aliens taking away my job.
26. Today I will worry about losing my rollover minutes on my cell phone.
27. Today I will worry about being lactose intolerant.
28. Today I will worry about identity theft.
29. Today I will worry about my inability to program my DVD player.
30. Today I will worry about my inability to operate my cell phone.
31. Today I will worry about electricity running out of the wall sockets.

Now, that is a more realistic list. I am sure you can think of a few more things, if you can just stay awake long enough to remember them.