Saturday, April 25, 2009

My worst ever movies of all time

There is no doubt that the worst movie I have ever suffered through was so bad it set the standard for all subsequent measures of poverty of expression. This movie is so bad that it doesn't even have site on Wikipedia. The movie was released by Universal Pictures in 1961 and it is called Tomboy and the Champ. I would love to link this title to a review, but no one, that is, no one at all on the entire Web has ever watched this movie all the way through. Except me. [This is hyperbole, Amazon had five reviews, one with five stars, and all I can say is that the reviewers did not see the same picture I remember].

You could buy this gem from Amazon. It is well known that Amazon has no taste whatsoever. But you would be wasting your $19.99. Even the worst review on Amazon sounds like the reviewer has a stake in the sale of the movie. To quote one of the reviews, Tomboy is "the story about a little girl who overcomes obstacles to raise a champion Angus and features a cameo by the cowboy singer/star Rex Allen."

Now there are the standard worst movies, Plan 9 from Outer Space. "The plot of the film is focused on a race of extraterrestrial beings who are seeking to stop humans from creating a doomsday weapon that would destroy the universe. In the course of doing so, the aliens implement "Plan 9", a scheme to resurrect Earth's dead as zombies to get the planet's attention, causing chaos." Wikipedia. I have seen this movie twice, just to make sure it was as bad as it is supposed to be. It is.

Now, what do I mean by bad. There are whole categories of movies I wouldn't even load into the DVD player. Junk, drivel, trash, offensive trash and offensive drivel. Movie reviews are no help, the reviewers, having seen all that trash, have no idea what is good and what is bad. Really bad movies never get to the list of really bad movies because no one has actually seen them.


  1. Is that what Plan 9 was about? I don't remember any plot. Then again, I only watch that movie after two in the morning in order to laugh at it.

  2. I think my high school economics teacher was in Plan 9. Whatever happened to Plan 8? Or 7? Aw, those were the good old days...